You, my big old baby girl, turned 6 months old today.
We moved from San Francisco to Concord in mid-August when you were turning five months old. Then the changes in you from 5-6 months blew me away. About five minutes after you learned to crawl you learned to push yourself into a standing position. And then you learned to sit up. We have begun baby sign language, and you've now begun solid foods.
Overnight you became so fiercely independent!
When you were around 3 1/2 to 4 months old, I began holding you up in a standing position on my chest. Soon "standing" became your favorite thing to do, and you've never looked back. You've gotten quite interested in climbing, and from what I can tell you show no sense of self-preservation. You are eager to fling yourself from any high point.
I can see hints of me in you. In flashes of your facial expressions. In your shyness and uncertainty around new people. In those situations you prefer to stand back and watch, taking it all in quietly. How well I know that feeling.
One person who endlessly fascinates you is your big brother, Darius. When he is visiting I can barely get you to focus long enough to eat, because you are so interested in what he is up to. Even if it is really nothing at all.
As you have gotten more interactive, he has come to really enjoy playing with you, too. He bodyslams your animals in front of you and holds them just out of your reach, and you don't quite know what to make of all that.
Right at this moment you are the perfect baby. You sleep all night. You smile almost all day. You are good at playing quietly and intently with your toys for long periods of time. If only you wanted more of my hugs and didn't push me away every time I try to snuggle you like a baby.
And that is how I know I am one of THOSE MOMS. One of those moms I never quite understood before I became one. And I vowed not to be one! One of those moms who mourns continuously as her children get older because they are closer and closer to the day they will leave.
I love you so hard! And it's a beautiful, powerful, benevolent love unlike any I've ever known. It's corny, but loving you, and gazing at your chubby, sturdy little limbs bent in sleep and clipping your tiny little razor blade nails has been more soothing to the part of me that was hurting for so long than I ever thought possible.
I got behind in my letters to you, but that's because I have been busy being your mama, with getting our family into a better home, and with living day-to-day with chronic pain. I am working on resolving that issue so that I can be a much more fun mama for you. As it is I practically fall down from exhaustion after I put you to bed.
But we have a lot of laughs.
Love,
Mama
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