Month two

Dear Frijole,

We are in the middle of your second month of life, and--to be honest--you are kicking my butt a bit.

The first month was so easy!  You never cried unless you were hungry or needed changed.  When you were awake you were happy.  You have been very fussy in the last couple weeks.  Usually for hours at a time.  Given your symptoms, you may have a touch of colic or maybe a milk allergy.  Today I got some soy-based formula and some gas drops to see if they help your tummy troubles.  When I look at your little face and see your distress, it breaks my heart!  Except for sometimes when you take breaks in between wails your little bottom lip quivers and you whimper.  Then I can't believe how cute you still are even though you are crying.

This evening I gave you a warm bath to soothe you and hopefully help you go to sleep.  You lay back against the bathtub seat and looked at me like, "Why are you doing this to me?"  You have my eyes and I recognize some of my own facial expressions in you already.  It is strange to look at my little Mini-Me, but also wonderful.

Today I put together your new swing that we got as a gift yesterday at our baby shower, but realized I needed batteries for it.  I ran across the street to the corner market, but they didn't have the size we needed.  Tomorrow is the earliest I can get them, and this evening I felt willing to pay someone a thousand dollars to bring me four size C batteries.  We'll just have to hang on until then.

One thing that you really seem to enjoy is getting in bed with your daddy and I in the wee hours of the morning.  After I feed and change you, I climb back into bed with you so that we can both try to go back to sleep.  You seem very content to snuggle against me under the covers and to kick your daddy's back repeatedly until you doze off.  I love this routine.  Your papa does too, but he is a little less crazy about the kicking part.

Go easy on me, love.  This job is a hard one.

Love,

Mama

Early morning snuggles

This is one of our favorite things to do early in the morning every morning:

Month one

Dear Frijole,

You are three weeks old--almost a month!--and you couldn't be a more pleasant baby.  I am in love with so many things about you.

I tell everyone you could sleep through a freight train and it's a good thing.  With 3 parrots, a wild cat, a three-legged lizard, four adults, a four year-old little boy, and plenty of doorbells and visitors, our household is rarely short on noise.  Once in awhile you'll stir a bit, but then you go on and sleep right through it all with contentment.

When you cry and I come to you, you settle down immediately as I change, dress, and/or feed you.  So far you're not fussy at all and regularly get the most adorable hiccups in the world.

Some would say that you're so new that you still remember what it was like before you were born.  I don't know if that's true, but when I watch you I can see you getting used to this new form you now occupy--trying to get these wild, swinging appendages under your control, and trying to raise and move your little bobbing, turtle head with mastery.

I love watching and listening to you eat.  I had a lot of guilt about not breastfeeding, but listening to you suck down your formula with lip-smacking gusto and hearing your coos and grunts of approval, I feel better.  You gained 9 ounces in one week between doctor appointments and Dr. Clark was impressed.

If you wake up a little restless, you quickly jam your fingers into your mouth, suck enthusiastically for a moment, and then nod back off to sleep.

Although I am tired and find myself nodding off during daily activities, this first month hasn't been as bad as I was expecting.  Sure, I am sleep deprived, but I was almost ALWAYS sleep deprived over the last several years.  I have become convinced that insomniacs have it a little easier as new parents because they are often up at all ours of the night like myself.  Now that I have you to care for, my night-time activities are just a little more structured than they were before.

Grandma was here staying with us the first week you were home and it was incredibly helpful.  I worried that we would get in each other's way or compete to meet your needs best.  But she was very strategic about offering her help and a spare pair of hands.  She didn't give a lot of unsolicited advice, and she kept me company while I was up with you during the night.  It was hard seeing her go as I knew my routine would become a lot lonelier.

One night when I began to cry because I mistakenly thought the baby monitor was on but it wasn't and when I came in the bedroom you were howling, she comforted me.  "Honey, you're doing a good job," she said.  "She knows that you come when she needs you and she is taken good care of.  You're fine."

I hadn't realized her approval was so important to me until that moment.

I love taking pictures of you and try not to bombard everyone on the planet with them TOO much.  It's just that I'm so proud of my beautiful baby girl and am constantly amazed by her movements and expressions and activities.

I love being your mama, Sophia.  I still cry a lot and am occasionally overcome by emotions and tenderness and fear and love when I look at you.  I never get tired of your little face.

Love,

Mama