You are three weeks old--almost a month!--and you couldn't be a more pleasant baby. I am in love with so many things about you.
I tell everyone you could sleep through a freight train and it's a good thing. With 3 parrots, a wild cat, a three-legged lizard, four adults, a four year-old little boy, and plenty of doorbells and visitors, our household is rarely short on noise. Once in awhile you'll stir a bit, but then you go on and sleep right through it all with contentment.
When you cry and I come to you, you settle down immediately as I change, dress, and/or feed you. So far you're not fussy at all and regularly get the most adorable hiccups in the world.
Some would say that you're so new that you still remember what it was like before you were born. I don't know if that's true, but when I watch you I can see you getting used to this new form you now occupy--trying to get these wild, swinging appendages under your control, and trying to raise and move your little bobbing, turtle head with mastery.
I love watching and listening to you eat. I had a lot of guilt about not breastfeeding, but listening to you suck down your formula with lip-smacking gusto and hearing your coos and grunts of approval, I feel better. You gained 9 ounces in one week between doctor appointments and Dr. Clark was impressed.
If you wake up a little restless, you quickly jam your fingers into your mouth, suck enthusiastically for a moment, and then nod back off to sleep.
Although I am tired and find myself nodding off during daily activities, this first month hasn't been as bad as I was expecting. Sure, I am sleep deprived, but I was almost ALWAYS sleep deprived over the last several years. I have become convinced that insomniacs have it a little easier as new parents because they are often up at all ours of the night like myself. Now that I have you to care for, my night-time activities are just a little more structured than they were before.
Grandma was here staying with us the first week you were home and it was incredibly helpful. I worried that we would get in each other's way or compete to meet your needs best. But she was very strategic about offering her help and a spare pair of hands. She didn't give a lot of unsolicited advice, and she kept me company while I was up with you during the night. It was hard seeing her go as I knew my routine would become a lot lonelier.
One night when I began to cry because I mistakenly thought the baby monitor was on but it wasn't and when I came in the bedroom you were howling, she comforted me. "Honey, you're doing a good job," she said. "She knows that you come when she needs you and she is taken good care of. You're fine."
I hadn't realized her approval was so important to me until that moment.
I love taking pictures of you and try not to bombard everyone on the planet with them TOO much. It's just that I'm so proud of my beautiful baby girl and am constantly amazed by her movements and expressions and activities.
I love being your mama, Sophia. I still cry a lot and am occasionally overcome by emotions and tenderness and fear and love when I look at you. I never get tired of your little face.
Love,
Mama
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